Several weeks back, Indiana State Representative Bob Morris faced ridicule from around the nation for inflammatory statements he made regarding the Girl Scouts of America. According to news sources, such as MSNBC, Morris stated in a letter that he believes the organization aids in “the destruction of traditional American family values.”
Finally, someone has had the courage to stand up to those pesky cookie-selling criminals! But Morris still doesn’t see the whole picture. Rotting away the moral fabric of America is only the beginning to what these heartless little hoodlums have planned. If you examine their rituals and training closely, you will see that, like North Korea and the Kardashian sisters, their ultimate goal is to take over the known universe.
Yes. All the conspiracy theorists that have blamed secret organizations, such as The Bilderberg Group and The Illuminati, for wanting to control all of mankind have been wrong. Do those secret groups teach young women how to shoot a bow or live off the land? No. Do they educate and empower half of our civilization? Negative. Do they dress in paramilitary colors of brown and green, wear membership stars, and don Army Ranger berets? Nah. Do they control most of the world currency and capital? Well, yes, but not for long. Not if the Brownie Brigade and their minions have their way.
How can an organization of sweet, innocent little girls ever hope to achieve world domination? Why, one small badge at a time, of course. Let’s review some of the titles of these insane insignia.
*Power of Team Award.
(Indoctrination into a group-think setting, more like it.)
(And conquer Canada.)
*Citizen- Inside Government.
(How many subversives have already infiltrated the upper echelon of the military, judiciary and executive branches? Being only 16.8 percent female, at least we know the legislature is safe.)
(How was the American Revolution won? Guerilla warfare, or as I like to say, naturalists that wear combat boots instead of Birkenstocks.)
*Medal of Honor.
(Grandpa Joe received one of these for fighting in WW II. Enough said.)
*World Thinking Day.
(Learning is half the battle, according to GI Joe. For Girl Scouts, it’s thinking about how to take over foreign lands.)
Not enough proof? Let’s look at the most condemning piece of evidence… those delectable cookies. Most people find it hard to resist the yummy morsels. News flash. It’s the trace amounts of cocaine baked inside. Yes, the Girl Scouts also have a working relationship with South American drug cartels. Remember Evita? Immoral women have no allegiances.
Through a growing dependence on the coked-out cookies, the organization hopes to enslave the American public. If for some reason the addiction doesn’t weaken our citizenry, the increased caloric intake into our daily diet will. Dastardly.
So thank you, Representative Morris. Like the cat bearing your name, you’ve represented America well. Through your Internet research, you’ve exposed the inner workings of the foremost all-female secret society. Some might call you crazy, idiotic or even an extremist male chauvinist pig. But I call you a hero. Oh wait, they also called you an uneducated nut job with too much time on your hands. Forgot that one. Anyway, so onward toward the renunciation of other brazenly belligerent female militias like the League of Women Voters, the Daughters of the American Revolution and the collective castoffs of the “The Bachelor” series. As the Girl Scouts say, be prepared. Indeed.