Research has finally proven a hypothesis that I have been maniacally maintaining for the past eight years. Foxnews.com has reported that stay-at-home moms tend to have more mental health issues than those mammas working outside the home. According to research conducted by Katrina Leupp, a Grad Student at the University of Washington, employed mothers particularly face less depression than their exclusively homemaking counterparts. So suck my big toe, Kelly Ripa with your cute family, fulfilling job and thighs so perfect Colonel Sanders would have had them breaded and deep-fried. My family and I can outdo you on crazy any day of the week.
My feud with Ripa aside, several reasons exist why stay-at-home moms demonstrate symptoms of depression more than other gainfully employed madres. People normally cite the stress of having a one-income household and the loneliness of being a mother as a basis for the findings. I do admit that some days I chat with telemarketers just so I can have some adult conversation. You know when a guy who barely speaks English hangs up on you while conducting a political poll, you may have a loneliness problem. When you ask if he could arrange a second marriage for your husband just so you can have help and companionship, you need to be admitted to the local mental hospital. Luckily the nearest one didn’t take our insurance, or I’d currently be restrained in a straight jacket that would be tighter than XS spandex biker shorts on J-Lo’s backside.
Yet, in my experience as a domestic diva, I have found another factor that contributes to the hardships of a housewife. To quote Rodney Dangerfield, we get no respect. Take for instance my incident at the local hospital. I needed to check in for some testing when the admission’s clerk, let’s call her Ms. Stickler, asked me where I was employed. I answered, “I’m a stay-at-home mother.” She then went on a spiel of how she must list me as unemployed in the system because I didn’t have a paying job. I countered that the government of all entities refuses to include us mommies who aren’t actively looking for work in their unemployment statistics, so therefore I must have some named occupation. Can’t we just say self-employed? Oh no. Obviously, it was her job to make my non-job seem all the more banal. I finally gave up on my mission and said at least staying at home with the kids has its perks. Alcoholism and other addictions are much easier to hide from elementary school children then from snotty coworkers. Ms. S didn’t laugh. CPS has yet to pay a visit, but I’m expecting them in the next few weeks.
Maybe I should move to Tunisia for respect. I just read an article on how a slightly insane political party encourages Tunisian women to quit their jobs and stay at home so that they may lower their male citizenry’s high unemployment rate. I’d just need to avoid getting stoned to death for speaking my mind or for wearing inappropriate clothing. Details. Why must there be drawbacks to everything?
If I do stay in the U.S, I’d like to see all women support each other regardless of their employment decisions. Females do an amazing job at degrading other women. Working mothers feel backlash for their professional choices, while stay-at-home mothers face criticism for their preferences. Yet we as mothers are all so much alike. Very few jobs allow you to be a nurse, maid, cook, tutor, negotiator, law enforcer and taxi driver and all in one day. Whether you are employed outside the home or not, motherhood comes without a salary, paid vacation or sick days. Normally we just receive precious kisses and some sweet hugs. We know through the years, those endearments will eventually mean more to us then an ounce of gold, even at the current exchange rates.
Maybe all of us mommies should ask our husbands to provide the above benefits plus a good 401K. So far I’ve not had much luck with my old man, but we have negotiated to have him match funds from all the money I save couponing. I plan on investing this into a broader portfolio that would include companies dedicated to the art of inducing sleepiness in children. I’ll use these earnings to pay the therapist for curing me of the post-traumatic mommy disorder. According to this research, maybe finding a full-time job would be a cheaper way of battling these supposed mental demons. However, I think I’ll just take two “I Love You” from my kids and call ‘em in the morning. Does anyone have Ripa’s cell?